Let the Scent Not Fade

I once heard or saw or read a thing … for me, the three are often one and the same.The thing was that humans (and other animals as well) use pheromones for attraction. To bring it down to basics, a person might smell pleasant, smell unpleasant, or seem to have no noticable natural scent. If he or she smells good, chances are there is some level of compatibility.My Christopher indulged me, allowing me to smell his flesh. I would firmly plant my nostrils against his bicep, shoulder, or upper back (I was partial to his neck but he was too ticklish to indulge quite that much) and breathe in deeply. To me, his skin was always full of bouquet.He found me quite insane on this matter, yet allowed me this small pleasure.It is one that I used the last time we were together as he sat on an emergency room gurney.It is one that I have been without since.His robe hung on a small hook next to the entrance to the master bath. I passed it, multiple times each day, after he Left. For a while I could not look at it.As I sat in my chair to watch television before bed, I eventually found myself looking at it all the time.I wear it, but only occasionally. I am embraced by it as I write this brief missive.It holds the scent of his flesh. I breathe shallow breaths, not wanting to sniff it all away.I await the day the scent sinks into my skin, like the scent of onions from that Italian sub that lingers on your top lip, only not as strong and much more pleasant and long-lasting.I hope that the thin fleece fabric will hold his scent for the rest of Time, no matter how often or long I wrap myself in it.As I shift in the chair, the breeze from my motion disturbs his essence and brings the smell of his skin to my nostrils.I cannot feel his flesh with my nostrils and so it just isn’t right somehow.But his scent is now our scent because my tears mingle with his fragrance as I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and wipe that hand against the section of robe, just below the pocket, where I won’t get a whiff of us but only of him, knowing that we inhabit this space together anyhow.And I hope the scent never fades.

2 thoughts on “Let the Scent Not Fade

  1. I can relate to that. When newly engaged so many, many years ago, my fiance` was sent to Vietnam. I kept one of his army shirts to console myself. My best friend lost her husband and best friend 26 years ago and slept in one of his shirts until it almost fell apart. Aroma can be so, so powerful — for good or bad. I hope Christopher’s scent in his robe lasts forever for you dear friend.

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