I couldn’t recall if I’ve ever written about courageous conversations before. Of course, I paused to search and nope, no hits.
I guess it’s no surprise since a person must be … courageous in some way … to have a courageous conversation.
I’ve been voraciously watching Michaela Coel on ‘I May Destroy You’.
I had to write in my personal journal about one bit of one episode that had my mind reeling for days. Actually, they all do, but this one … in it, Arabella (played by Ms. Coel) tells her lover that she is on her period; he is willing to be intimate anyway and they end up having a brief conversation about something that happens to some of us during that time of month. I won’t give it away but I encourage you to watch. It got me because, as I wrote in my journal, to have had a partner react the same way Biagio (her lover) does likely would have made my uterine fibroid journey a lot less (emotionally) painful.
It is this show that has had me thinking about The Inner Madwoman more. She is the one who often sets up the potential for courageous conversations, but it’s up to me to say it. Out loud. Which isn’t my strong suit.
But writing is.
I find that when I really REALLY need to express something, I can get it down in print. Having ink for my fountain pens helps.
I wrote one such letter yesterday. It wasn’t until later that I panicked. It was far after the postal truck had been through and I know my carrier had safely whisked it off. I expect to hear from the recipient in a few days.
Actually, I don’t expect that, because I see the recipient as one part of a complex, non-courageous puzzle. I suspect that they will read the short missive I’ve sent, and, after a bit of pearl-clutching and tongue-clicking, will do one of several possible things: 1) toss it away and forget they ever read it; 2) tell someone else who is part of the non-courageous puzzle, thus expanding the pearl-clutching and tongue-clicking; 3) which will lead to me getting the interesting looks the next time we all happen to be in the same area.
It is possible that they will do none of these things, or some part of them, but still reach out to me to try and convince me that my assessment of the situation (which I won’t go into here as it would be too long, convoluted, and painful to the heart) is incorrect.
Which undermines the whole point, doesn’t it.
I think of a student who once said something like, ‘It isn’t what you said; it’s how what you said made me feel’.
Telling someone that their feelings are wrong is problematic, no matter how much there is agreement or disagreement about what caused the feelings in the first place.
I love how Ms. Coel shares in that VF interview that writing about her traumatic experiences was therapeutic. I get that.
Which is why I started the teaser and a bit to a comedy-drama television screenplay.
How long it will have my attentions, I can’t say. But as I lay in the bed last night before falling asleep and again when I woke at about 3am, tortured by my own brain, it still felt like a good idea. A way to create space for all those courageous conversations I wasn’t brave enough to have and that I hope will inspire someone else to do so.
Who knows. Maybe someone will read the script and want to put it out there.